The loving-kindness of a true friend

Once in a lifetime, if we're lucky, we experience a friendship that transforms us. Such a friendship is built on trust, on mutual understanding, and ultimately on love.

Larry Bienemann was my dear friend. I don't recall when we met, but I do know that we hit it off immediately. I learned about his professional life as co-founder and CEO of Addiction Recovery Corporation, and of his involvement in the establishment of the PRIDE Institute, the first inpatient treatment facility for the LGBTQ community. 

Larry's life was one of service. In addition to his work in helping those with substance abuse challenges, in retirement, he volunteered at the Barnabas Food Pantry and participated in the work of the local Compassionate Fernandina organization. I marveled at his willingness to be a helper, no matter who needed assistance. One time, friends at the Shady Ladies Art Studio were moving their business from one building to another across Eighth Street. Larry helped the artists move their supplies and paintings across the busy street, stopping traffic so that they could safely transport their things.

For me personally, Larry was a great friend who was there for me and always had time for me.  He was a practicing Buddhist who taught me many things about the Buddha Way. He gifted me books by Thich Nhat Hanh and others so that I could learn about the philosophy of Zen. I considered us "Dharma Buddies," as we were spiritual companions learning how to live in harmony and to grow spiritually. One book that I treasure and read every day is "Hsin Hsin Ming: Verses on the Faith Mind," by Seng-ts'an. He also gifted me a statuette of Jizo, the Japanese bodhisattva who, as Larry put it, "looks after children, women, and us senior citizens!"

Jizo, the Japanese bodhisattva

When COVID hit, Larry and I would get together on my porch and talk about life. He always offered me support and encouragement during those times. He would often greet passersby with a kind word or questions about what was going on in their lives. We called these get-togethers "Porch Summits."  

Over the past several years, I was hospitalized twice. Larry came to my room nearly every day and sat with me in silence, as most of the time I was too ill to talk. Larry gave me the gift of presence. He sensed when I wanted or was able to talk. I have been told that at one point, when I was on the brink of death, Larry came into my room, stood at the foot of my bed and said, “So, Tom, are you living or dying?"  I responded, “I don’t know, but I want to live!" And so I have chosen life and am now in my 95th year.

Larry passed away in April of last year. He left behind a legacy of compassion and love that I will never forget. He embodied the "Four Abode" virtues of loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. He was, to paraphrase Khalil Gibran’s "On Friendship from The Prophet," my needs answered and my field sowed with love and reaped with thanksgiving. 

Dr. Tom Washburn and his wife Kathy have been residents of Fernandina Beach for 21 years. He founded the Samaritan Clinic, which is now Barnabas Center Health Services, and he was co-founder with Ellie Colborn of the Coalition for the Homeless of Nassau County. 

Others in the community are invited to share their stories of kindness and compassion. If you have a story you'd like to share here in the Fernandina Observer - about a neighbor or friend or business that showed you kindness - please contact Peggie Weeks at pegweeks@gmail.com

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends leave footprints in your heart."   ~Eleanor Roosevelt