The Importance of Community

I celebrated my birthday last week and was struck by a memory of my birthday five years earlier. In 2020, because the weather was warm, my friends opted to take me on a sunset cruise on the Amelia River. We laughed and shared drinks and hors d’oeuvres as the sun went down.

The next day brought unanswered questions as a global pandemic was announced. The answers to some of those questions remain elusive today. We still wonder what all the changes mean now and for the future, including how to be in community with one another.

I woke up the morning after that birthday to a different world. I heard of a strange virus spreading, but a shutdown? How much danger were we in? What would happen to my mother, who was in her 90s, in assisted living? Should I go get her? How would I take care of her at home? What would happen to my small art business where one of our partners was seriously ill and we had recently changed locations? Surely this would not last too long?

Days and weeks dragged into months. The gallery closed. I picked up some art supplies to use at home and found refuge on my screened-in back porch. I could not visit my mother or go on the property to talk to her at her window. My only solace was that no resident or staff person was ill. She was lonely, but safe and did not understand what was going on. Eventually we were allowed to drive through the premises and wave as residents sat outside. That was both wonderful and painful. However, my mother was alive and in relatively good health. The reports of the death toll globally were staggering.

I learned to use Zoom. I attended church on this digital platform and even preached some sermons using it. I met on Zoom with friends and restored relationships with far-flung cousins. I certainly did a lot more cooking than usual. I joined many others in going on a burst of cleaning and rearranging. That energy waned and I read and read. Then I didn’t. I am extroverted. It was hard to know what to do with myself.

My recollection of that initial time may mirror yours. I am grateful for those who have taken a look at some of the larger trends and societal changes from the perspective of various disciplines. Several things stood out to me from what I read. One is that we hardly acknowledge that the pandemic happened anymore, but we are far from over it physically, psychologically or spiritually.

It may be due to my particular lens, but I see this as grief. Frankly, most of us are terrible at grieving. Grief is an emotional roller coaster with lots of twists and turns. Some of them are surprising. We don’t like that. It shatters our illusion of control. Grief is a long process with no definitive ending. This flies in the face of our cultural desire for quick fixes. A negative interpretation of some of the feelings associated with grief makes us feel weak and needy. That goes against our idealized version of what it means to be an American.

In 2020, we needed community precisely when we couldn’t have it. Relationships suffered, mental health suffered, education suffered, and physical health suffered. We lost some important social learning about how to be together in ways that are uplifting and mutually supportive across differences. Now we are quicker to judge, quicker to be angry and quicker to be fearful. We are more self-interested, skeptical and wary of others, especially those who are different from us.

Rebuilding healthy community relationships takes trust, and rebuilding trust takes time. Community is not about firing back replies on social media. I don’t know anyone who says a Facebook post changed their perspective. I do know that being part of a trusting community changes people.

This is one reason I am very grateful for a program happening at Story & Song Bookstore and Bistro every month that is being facilitated by T.R. Richardson called, “Our Town: Fostering Healthy Communities.” This is a 10-month series and two have already occurred.

I was able to get to the one on March 9 about housing. You do not have to commit to all of the sessions. There is no fee. Here is a description of the event:

A great community goes beyond manicured properties and new parks. Today, how we relate to and communicate with one another is what creates a strong and resilient foundation. Come join us to help sustain a community that resists divisiveness and maintains and grows in strength to navigate the challenges ahead. We’ll learn from and be inspired by special guest speakers and one another.

Programs are on the following Sundays from 2-4 p.m.: April 6, May 18, June 22, July 20, Aug. 17, Sept. 21, Oct. 19, Nov. 16.

A few hours on several Sunday afternoons is not a big ask of your time. You may learn something new or make a new friend or feel a little more hopeful. Whatever the outcome, it’s an opportunity to be in community.