The 4 C’s of Genuine Relationships

Springtime is a season for engagements and weddings. These occasions mean trips to jewelry stores for diamonds. Diamonds are a big purchase. One wants to make sure their money is well-spent. That is difficult to do when it is not your business. You have to trust the business you deal with.

I am not a jeweler, but my father’s family was in the jewelry business for 92 years. I absorbed some information while frequently helping out. There are some life lessons in the process of dealing in gemstones.

My father was certified to deal in gemstones by the GIA, Gemological Institute of America. It is best if you do business with someone who is certified and get a certificate of authenticity for your purchase from the GIA.

Our store was small and could not carry a wide range of styles on a regular basis. My dad would find out a customer’s price range, then go to his longtime contacts on Jeweler's Row on Samson St. in Philadelphia and deal directly with brokers that his father and great uncle had done business with. When I accompanied him, I felt special when we got buzzed in.

I was shocked to learn, as a child, that some other jewelry stores would go to great lengths to trick customers with special lighting in flashy cases, differently colored cloths on which they placed the jewelry and complex discount pricing. It was an early lesson in what it meant to be authentic and trustworthy.

Authenticity is a big issue today. Trust has eroded in traditional institutions, including the traditional church. When one turns to religion, it is often out of need. If that trust is betrayed, the hurt is deep and longstanding.

There are many non-traditional and nondenominational churches and ministries that do good work. Some, not all, do not have credentialed ministers. The president’s personal pastor and head of the White House Faith Office is not officially credentialed, despite being a well-known televangelist and holding an influential position. She has been critiqued by official bodies for what she espouses. Various ministries in which she has been involved have been investigated for their financial dealings. Like the president, she has been married multiple times.

The president brought her into this position of trust after seeing her on TV.

There are clergy who were credentialed who violated the trust placed in them. There are official bodies that have not dealt with trust violations authentically, and this is inexcusable. Am I biased because I worked hard for a theological degree from an accredited institution and have ordination credentials from an official body? Probably. I conclude that a valid life lesson here is, as with gemstones, buyer beware.

Before you buy a diamond, it is good to know about the 4 C’s which are carat weight, color, clarity and cut. A perfect diamond is impossible to find. Flashy stones can have imperfections which reduce their value. Bigger isn’t always better. A balance of all four C’s make for a good choice.

The facets cut on the face of the stone are what make it sparkle. A brilliant cut diamond has 58 facets. One day, my father and I pulled up in front of the store after completing a trip to a diamond broker. We had some of our usual father/daughter tussles on the drive home. He stopped the car, but didn’t get out. He reached his hand out to me, so I stayed too. He was an emotional person, but never talked about his feelings. He really couldn’t. This is how he expressed his feelings to me that day. He said, “The brilliant cut diamond has 58 facets, as you know. A very experienced gemcutter can add a 59th facet to try to get the stone to sparkle just a little more. He risks damaging or even destroying the stone in the process. I have tried to put a 59th facet on you. But I realize you sparkle just the way you are.” I was 23 years old when my dad and I had that conversation. I can remember every detail of it because it was such an important gift to me and one I have recalled many times. My father had been both overprotective and demanding of me. I could never fully understand why. That conversation helped me understand him and myself a great deal.

In our dealings with others, our children and grandchildren and others with whom we relate on a daily basis, we can apply what I learned and put our behavior to the 58 or 59 facet test. Do we accept people for who they are or try to remake them into our image of who we want or expect them to be?

We can apply our own set of 4 C’s to our relationships. Do we COMMUNICATE with CLARITY? Can we appreciate variations in COLOR as part of the beauty of the creation? Can we CUT out ways of speaking and behaving that are not genuine and reflect badly on our authenticity?

I am not a gemologist, but I can CERTIFY that your relationships will be healthier and happier if you give these 4 C’s a try.