"Service of Hope and Remembrance" for Orlando shooting victims

Features Reporter

June 20, 2016 2:15 p.m.

There was a full house at St. Peter’s Episcopal Church Saturday night as Fernandina Beach remembered the 49 LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer) victims killed in the Orlando nightclub shooting on June 12.

Interior of St Peter's Episcopal Church with symbolic rainbow flag.

The Service of Hope and Remembrance was organized by individuals  of all faiths to honor the dead and injured victims, their families, the policemen and firemen, medical teams and volunteers. The vigil included music, candle lighting, prayer, reading of the names of the lost lives, tears and mourning but also words of comfort and compassion, equality and unity, resolve and strength, tolerance and inclusion.

In front of the altar and the symbolic rainbow flag Dr. Theresa A. Sparks, a member at St. Peter's, delivered a very personal and poignant message. Here are her reflections on the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history.

"Good evening. My name is Theresa Sparks and I am a Lesbian. On behalf of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer community I want to thank you for coming tonight to remember the 49 killed, 53 wounded, and scores traumatized at Pulse last weekend. That shooting has been referred to as an act of domestic terrorism and it may fit that definition, but make NO mistake, this a violent act of hatred directed toward a very specific group: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer people. Even more specifically, it happened on Latin night, targeting LGBTQ people of Latin heritage. It is June when we celebrate Pride Month and it is hard to put into words how important and sacred this time is to me. It was also an attack inside one of our few safe spaces where we feel free to be ourselves and where we find acceptance and community.

I would like to take a few moments tonight to share with you some thoughts and feelings from this member of the beautiful and diverse LGBTQ family. I am sad. I am hurt. I am angry. I am afraid. Many of you in the audience may feel the same; however, for those of us who are LGBTQ, these feelings are all too familiar. They are part of our daily existence. Every day of our lives we experience acts of hatred toward us -- from hearing negative jokes or disparaging remarks right in our presence because people don't know or don't care we are LGBTQ; to rejection by family, friends and co-worker; to denial of healthcare, homes and jobs; to verbal and physical threats while walking down the street or working in our yard; to actual physical assaults and even murder. Yes, these feelings are quite familiar. Those 49 people took a risk going to Pulse that night. A risk we all take to go somewhere we are accepted. We are careful about where we park and our awareness is high coming and going to our vehicle because you never know when a bigot with a baseball bat might decide some queers need correcting. I don't think those 49 people that night imagined a massacre.

So how do we handle those constant feelings? What do we do with the anger, sadness, hurt, and fear? What would those 49 want us to do? Let me start by telling you what we do NOT do. We DON'T retaliate by bombing a straight bar; we don’t load up on guns and ammunition; and we don’t stand outside churches/synagogues/mosques with signs condemning those going in.

What we DO is keep Loving. We reach out to each other and hold each other up. Our response is to keep loving and living our lives – getting up and going to work; parenting our children; caring for aging parents; dancing; and celebrating Pride. The daily challenges we have faced have made us strong and resilient. We won’t go back in the closet, we won’t hide, and we won’t give up!

But I tell you something else, I am Tired! I am tired and need help carrying this burden. What has been different about this tragedy is that we are getting support from the heterosexual and cisgender community. We are seeing people from this larger community donate blood, donate money, provide transportation and housing, provide space for funerals, bring in comfort dogs, and simply ask “What can I do to help?”

Now THIS is a wonderful, new experience for those of us who are LGBTQ, and it gives me hope. I have never known this in my lifetime. As I mourned this week and sought some way to help this community mourn and heal, I found heterosexual and cisgender community leaders, clergy, faith communities, business people and friends who had the same idea and who were eager to assist. Tonight is the result of that collaboration. None of you had to show up here tonight – Saturday night and plenty of fun things to do – but you are ALL here because you care. Being here to mourn together and to support each other gives me hope that together we Will, not we might, we WILL create a better world.

As you leave this place tonight honor those who died by learning to and continuing to be a compassionate community."

Dr Sparks received a standing ovation for her heartfelt thoughts.

Editor's Note:  We thank Dr Sparks for sharing her message delivered to those assembled at the June 18 service of Hope and Remembrance. Dr. Sparks is a semi-retired clinical psychologist with PhD from Vanderbilt University, Clinical Residency at Harvard Medical/Department of Veterans Affairs, and Postdoctoral Fellowship at Emory University/Grady Hospital. Thirty years of clinical practice focused on work with those who have experienced trauma and included children, families, active duty military and veterans. Dr. Sparks grew up in Southeast Georgia/Northeast Florida and is happy to have returned to this area.