Missing Friends

It has been a tough few months. We have lost several close friends. I know it is part of aging, but nonetheless, it is hard. Reading the paper, it is difficult not to look at the recent obituaries. We hope there will not be a familiar name.

Obituaries have been published since ancient Rome around 59 B.C.E., initially appearing in papyrus newspapers called Acta Diurna. The practice became more common in the 19th century, evolving from brief death notices to more detailed accounts celebrating the lives of the deceased, often published in local newspapers. It was a way to let a community know about a death. Through the years, obituaries have become less formal and sometimes very creative and personal. 

Several years ago, I read about Emily Phillips of Orange Park, Florida, who had a different approach to her obituary. She told her daughter, Bonnie Upright, that she would write her own obituary, and she did so in 1,045 words.

It all happened quickly — diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, she died at age 69 in one short month. Her daughter described her mother as a wonderful writer and full of life and the love of her family. It is not surprising that she was a talented school teacher. 

Her family embraced her wish to write her own obituary and were overwhelmed by the response from around the world about the story of the woman who wrote her obituary. She wrote with humor and love for her family, her husband, her "grand angels" (grandchildren), the teachers she remembers, and the students she taught. 

She started with: "It pains me to admit it, but apparently, I have passed away. Everyone told me it would happen one day, but that's simply not something I wanted to hear, much less experience. Once again, I didn't get things my way!" In another memorable moment, Phillips summed up her life in nine words: "I was born; I blinked; and it was over."

She even offers advice: "So in the end, remember … do your best, follow your arrow, and make something amazing out of your life. Oh, and never stop smiling.”

The Big Guy and I have tried to take care of those things that are not always easy: living wills, memorial services, and where we want to end up. We have even outlined our own obituaries. 

What is touching about this story is that Emily Phillips did not write an obituary listing degrees, professional success, and all remaining relatives. She wrote from her heart, and in the end, her obituary was a beautiful reflection of a fantastic woman. Her approach certainly isn't for everybody, but for her family, it was a perfect reflection of a woman well-loved.

So what would any of us write? It is something to think about and do, even if it is only for you.