Commentary: No Matter Your Beliefs, Stand Up for the Tylers

By Rev. Linda Hart Green

Rev. Linda Hart Green

In 2010, I was a pastor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. The town’s name may mean nothing to you unless you are a New Jersey transplant to Florida like me, but how about the name Tyler Clementi? Have you heard of him? If not, I want to tell you a little about his story because it has a direct bearing on a topic that is drawing debate in our community.

First, the topic: Our city’s annual Pride festivities, which have been approved by the city’s special events committee, composed of city department staff, are being challenged by Jack Knocke, executive director of Citizens Defending Freedom (CDF)-Nassau. Knocke thinks Pride festivities potentially harm children. Pastor Zach Terry of First Baptist Church wrote an opinion for the Citizens Journal Florida news outlet (April 10) supporting Knocke’s efforts and adding his own inflammatory language regarding this issue.

Tyler’s story will give you another view as to who is really in danger.

Tyler Clementi was just 18 years old and only a month into his college program at Rutgers University when he took his own life by jumping off the George Washington Bridge. Tyler and his family had long roots in Ridgewood. The family did not go to my church but to the Evangelical church on the other side of town. Tyler was known in our high school as a gifted student academically and as a talented violinist. Most of the clergy in town attend the elaborate high school graduation to support their students, and I saw Tyler graduate with honors.

What in the world would drive such a beloved and talented young man to take his life? He had just come out as gay to his family and a few of his friends before leaving for college. And once there, he was a victim of a horrible cyber bullying incident at his dorm where a video of him with another young man was taken secretly and made public.

Needless to say, our town went into shock and mourning. Our interfaith clergy group held emergency meetings. The high school held a candlelight vigil. The school also brought in mental health counselors for his grieving friends and for other students who were struggling with their identities.

You couldn’t know this, but Ridgewood is a wealthy town. Every possible resource is available. The high school looks like the campus of an Ivy League university. Bad things like this are not supposed to happen there. But they did.

Tyler’s home church was also torn apart. The church had been very public about condemning homosexuality, and the pastor did not participate in our clergy group because it was interfaith. I don’t mean just different Protestant denominations! I mean we were Jewish, Roman Catholic, Protestant, Unitarian Universalist, Hindu, Muslim and Sikh.

Here’s what Tyler’s mother said in an interview 10 years after his death when she could finally bear to read letters he left behind: “No one should ever feel as unworthy as Tyler felt, as he hid how sad and lonely he felt. He was working so hard to hide who he loved from those that loved him the most, his family ... his mom ... me.” (USA Today, Sept. 23, 2020)

In Tyler’s memory, the family started the Tyler Clementi Foundation. That’s where you might have heard the name. It is nationally known for its work against bullying and discrimination of LGBTQ youth. USA Today wrote about Tyler’s mom’s work: “Clementi also focuses on changing behaviors and attitudes within faith communities. She believes the denunciations of gay life that Tyler heard in their Evangelical community contributed to his pain.”

What our town is dealing with now reminds me of those tumultuous days of my ministry 13 years ago. I can’t help but wonder, “What if Tyler had had a Pride festival to go to in that town’s park? What if he could have seen other families of all shapes and sizes come together to relax and have fun? What if he’d had a pastor to whom he could turn for guidance and support?”

I will be at this Pride festival and every one that comes after. I will always stand up for the Tylers. I hope you will too.

Linda Hart Green is Pastor Emeritus of Emmanuel Church, Ridgewood, N.J. and co-owner of Shady Ladies Art Studios and Gallery in Fernandina Beach. She holds an M.Div. and a Certificate in Pastoral Leadership Development from Princeton Theological Seminary.